Yesterday, I had to go to Target to get some diapers and wipes. I decided to go ahead and get a pregnancy test so I wouldn't have to go back to Target in just a few days. I'll wait. I will resist the urge to take the test prematurely.

And about two hours later, I took the test. Apparently, I have no self control.

It was positive! I was in disbelief because it's never been that easy for us. I had bought a pack of two tests, so I took the other test this morning to confirm. And it confirmed!

With Caleb, I was excited beyond measure. He was the first after all. The unknown! Everything would be new and excited from that point on.

With Ana, I was cautious. Having lost Baby #2, it took a while to shake the fear of losing her. And since it had been so long since we had Caleb, I was excited that we would get to experience everything again, knowing some of it would feel new since so much time had passed.

With this baby. I'm a little scared. I'm a bit surprised that I feel this way. Seems to me that it makes more sense to be scared with the first baby. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to babies. We had the good sense to plan this baby to arrive after Caleb starts kindergarten. But, I still think that having two young children to tend to during the day will overwhelm me. And the thing I am most afraid of happening is that I will become so overwhelmed that I won't be able to enjoy them. Because if you don't like having kids, there's really not much point, is there?

I'm not saying that this fear of mine is at all the most prominent feeling I have about this baby. But it is the most foreign, so I'm understandably interested in it. I am mostly thankful and happy and excited to find out who it will look like. Will it be commanding and loving, like Caleb? Or will it be curious and determined, like Ana? Will it have Shane's toes, as Caleb and Ana do? Will it have my ears, as Caleb and Ana do?