My first prenatal appointment is on March 1st, less than two weeks away! I'm excited about not having to go through Kaiser for this pregnancy. I'll be able to give birth at the hospital in Monterey! Which will only be a 5-10 minute trip if we move to Monterey or PG. How wonderful! And I wonder if my OB will actually deliver the baby, instead of how Kaiser has whoever is avaiable do the delivery.

My hopes for the delivery this time is that we will have someone to watch the kids, so Shane will actually be able to be with me. I hope he'll be able to cut the umbilical cord, since he didn't get to do that with Caleb or Ana. And I hope that I will be able to do another natural birth. I also plan on staying at the hospital as long as they will let me. With Caleb and Ana, I was anxious to go home, but this time I think I will try to send Shane home with the kids and try to rest with the baby at the hospital.

It seems like such a long way off. 7.5 months. Now that I've made the first appointment, I'm starting to get excited. I can't wait to see him or her with their tiny little arm and leg buds.

So, we didn't get our "dream house". I guess it really wasn't our dream house, because if it was, we would be buying it right now. The other buyers finally got their loan approved. We're not likely to find another house for that price in PG with that much living space and that big of a yard. But, there are a couple of things that we're relieved about. First, we offered way more than we were comfortable with and the payments would likely have caused some stress in our marriage. Second, there are no sidewalks in that neighborhood, which is actually very common in PG. We're really hoping we end up with a house that has sidewalks, so the kids can actually ride their bikes around. And lastly, we suspect that the house would have had lots of little things wrong that would have sucked what little money we had leftover.

So, now we just sit and wait and hope that a better house will come along before the interest rates and home prices go up. We're in the very bottom of the price range, so the houses that we are looking at seem to be very tiny (1100-1200 ft2) or on a busy and noisy street.

And the baby? Still chillin'. I'm tired and grouchy, but besides that, everything is perfect. Did I mention that I'm tired? Not being able to take a nap is killing me. And Ana is still randomly waking up for midnight feedings. She woke up three times last night. What's up with that? And she's been refusing to go to sleep until 10pm. The good thing is that she's content to play by herself.

Shane tries to make me feel better by pointing out that I'll be able to take a nap once Caleb starts school in September. I should get a good month of napping days. Only 6 more months of napless months to go. Woooo.

You know how they say that every pregnancy is different? And remember how I said that I'm not experiencing any strong symptom with this pregnancy?

Well, I was wrong. Because this baby is making me crazy. I'm an emotional wreck. I've decided that it's best that I no longer communicate with our realtor. It would probably be best for our marriage if I didn't communicate with Shane either, but that's not likely going to happen.

Yesterday was bad. There was crying and screaming and pouting.

And oh. my. we still have almost eight more months to go. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

I've had four pieces of See's chocolate. It's 8:15 p.m. and I'm ready for bed. I think the baby is doing just fine :)

The great thing about having hardly any symptoms is obvious. I never feel sick and so far I'm not even having issues with insomnia. That part is great! The down side to all of this is that I don't have a constant reminder that there is a baby messing with my hormones.

Yesterday, I had some cereal for breakfast and then around 2pm I realized I hadn't had lunch. And worse than that, I wasn't really even hungry. Not good. I have been more hungry he past week, so it stck me as odd. But, then again it's still early so it could be nothing. And I have been getting very tired around 9pm the last couple nights, but last night I didn't get very sleepy until close to 10pm.

I'm afriad I'll be obsessing about this for a while. Until I know for sure that this baby is here to stay. Even though it's only the size of an orange seed and it's not really making its presence known, if it were to leave me, I would suddenly feel like I have known it forever. I know this. I pray I won't have to experience that again.

Okay, moving on.

Remember when I said that it would be the best week ever if we found out that we are pregnant AND got he blue house? Well, yesterday we found out that the current buyers for the house are having issues with their financing. They have until Saturday to pull out of the contract with their deposit, which is likely significant (like $15,000). The owners can give them more time to get their financing together, but if they like our offer, they might just let them go and accept our offer.

On one hand, I feel this is still unlikely because although we practically offered our souls, I think they cal get more because it's a big lot and there is a lot of living space. On the other hand, it would make sense to me that we do get the house. For two reasons:

Reason #1 - It feels like our house. It really does. And from the first time I walked in, I had "that feeling" that it was ours.

Reason #2 - This is all working out very much like our move out to California. Yesterday, we got the counteroffer, which we weren't expecting because we put in a back-up offer, not a real offer. I told Shane I was ready to just let it go and be done with it because we really can't offer anymore. He wanted to offer just $5,000 more. This reminds me of when we were still in Arlington and I told him that he we were never going to move to California and he should just take the better position they were dangling in front of him to make him stay. He didn't listen to me. And here we are in California. Smart guy, huh? And smart me for backing off. Lesson definitely learned.

Well, if it doesn't go through, I won't be depressed or anything. I mean, that would be obnoxious seeing how lucky we are in every other respect. I'll be relieved in a way because then we can find a cheaper house that won't make me cringe when I think about a mortgage payment.

Yesterday, I had to go to Target to get some diapers and wipes. I decided to go ahead and get a pregnancy test so I wouldn't have to go back to Target in just a few days. I'll wait. I will resist the urge to take the test prematurely.

And about two hours later, I took the test. Apparently, I have no self control.

It was positive! I was in disbelief because it's never been that easy for us. I had bought a pack of two tests, so I took the other test this morning to confirm. And it confirmed!

With Caleb, I was excited beyond measure. He was the first after all. The unknown! Everything would be new and excited from that point on.

With Ana, I was cautious. Having lost Baby #2, it took a while to shake the fear of losing her. And since it had been so long since we had Caleb, I was excited that we would get to experience everything again, knowing some of it would feel new since so much time had passed.

With this baby. I'm a little scared. I'm a bit surprised that I feel this way. Seems to me that it makes more sense to be scared with the first baby. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to babies. We had the good sense to plan this baby to arrive after Caleb starts kindergarten. But, I still think that having two young children to tend to during the day will overwhelm me. And the thing I am most afraid of happening is that I will become so overwhelmed that I won't be able to enjoy them. Because if you don't like having kids, there's really not much point, is there?

I'm not saying that this fear of mine is at all the most prominent feeling I have about this baby. But it is the most foreign, so I'm understandably interested in it. I am mostly thankful and happy and excited to find out who it will look like. Will it be commanding and loving, like Caleb? Or will it be curious and determined, like Ana? Will it have Shane's toes, as Caleb and Ana do? Will it have my ears, as Caleb and Ana do?

I'm officially one day late. I'm still not sure if I'm really pregnant though. I have been sleeping through the night fine, well except for Ana going through a growth spurt and waking me up for feeding at 1, 4 and 6am for the past three nights. I have been really tired though.

We are going to put in an offer for a house in Pacific Grove. It's perfect for us. Unfortunately, it's already got an accepted offer and the chances of it falling through aren't good since it's still owned by the owner. But, they have until the 6th to back out with their deposit, so we'll just have to wait until then. I'll be waiting a few more days before taking a pregnancy test since last month I was 5 days late. Don't want to waste money on a pregnancy test.

If we find out that we are pregnant and we our offer is accepted, that will just be the best week ever!!