My first prenatal appointment is on March 1st, less than two weeks away! I'm excited about not having to go through Kaiser for this pregnancy. I'll be able to give birth at the hospital in Monterey! Which will only be a 5-10 minute trip if we move to Monterey or PG. How wonderful! And I wonder if my OB will actually deliver the baby, instead of how Kaiser has whoever is avaiable do the delivery.

My hopes for the delivery this time is that we will have someone to watch the kids, so Shane will actually be able to be with me. I hope he'll be able to cut the umbilical cord, since he didn't get to do that with Caleb or Ana. And I hope that I will be able to do another natural birth. I also plan on staying at the hospital as long as they will let me. With Caleb and Ana, I was anxious to go home, but this time I think I will try to send Shane home with the kids and try to rest with the baby at the hospital.

It seems like such a long way off. 7.5 months. Now that I've made the first appointment, I'm starting to get excited. I can't wait to see him or her with their tiny little arm and leg buds.

So, we didn't get our "dream house". I guess it really wasn't our dream house, because if it was, we would be buying it right now. The other buyers finally got their loan approved. We're not likely to find another house for that price in PG with that much living space and that big of a yard. But, there are a couple of things that we're relieved about. First, we offered way more than we were comfortable with and the payments would likely have caused some stress in our marriage. Second, there are no sidewalks in that neighborhood, which is actually very common in PG. We're really hoping we end up with a house that has sidewalks, so the kids can actually ride their bikes around. And lastly, we suspect that the house would have had lots of little things wrong that would have sucked what little money we had leftover.

So, now we just sit and wait and hope that a better house will come along before the interest rates and home prices go up. We're in the very bottom of the price range, so the houses that we are looking at seem to be very tiny (1100-1200 ft2) or on a busy and noisy street.

And the baby? Still chillin'. I'm tired and grouchy, but besides that, everything is perfect. Did I mention that I'm tired? Not being able to take a nap is killing me. And Ana is still randomly waking up for midnight feedings. She woke up three times last night. What's up with that? And she's been refusing to go to sleep until 10pm. The good thing is that she's content to play by herself.

Shane tries to make me feel better by pointing out that I'll be able to take a nap once Caleb starts school in September. I should get a good month of napping days. Only 6 more months of napless months to go. Woooo.

You know how they say that every pregnancy is different? And remember how I said that I'm not experiencing any strong symptom with this pregnancy?

Well, I was wrong. Because this baby is making me crazy. I'm an emotional wreck. I've decided that it's best that I no longer communicate with our realtor. It would probably be best for our marriage if I didn't communicate with Shane either, but that's not likely going to happen.

Yesterday was bad. There was crying and screaming and pouting.

And oh. my. we still have almost eight more months to go. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

I've had four pieces of See's chocolate. It's 8:15 p.m. and I'm ready for bed. I think the baby is doing just fine :)

The great thing about having hardly any symptoms is obvious. I never feel sick and so far I'm not even having issues with insomnia. That part is great! The down side to all of this is that I don't have a constant reminder that there is a baby messing with my hormones.

Yesterday, I had some cereal for breakfast and then around 2pm I realized I hadn't had lunch. And worse than that, I wasn't really even hungry. Not good. I have been more hungry he past week, so it stck me as odd. But, then again it's still early so it could be nothing. And I have been getting very tired around 9pm the last couple nights, but last night I didn't get very sleepy until close to 10pm.

I'm afriad I'll be obsessing about this for a while. Until I know for sure that this baby is here to stay. Even though it's only the size of an orange seed and it's not really making its presence known, if it were to leave me, I would suddenly feel like I have known it forever. I know this. I pray I won't have to experience that again.

Okay, moving on.

Remember when I said that it would be the best week ever if we found out that we are pregnant AND got he blue house? Well, yesterday we found out that the current buyers for the house are having issues with their financing. They have until Saturday to pull out of the contract with their deposit, which is likely significant (like $15,000). The owners can give them more time to get their financing together, but if they like our offer, they might just let them go and accept our offer.

On one hand, I feel this is still unlikely because although we practically offered our souls, I think they cal get more because it's a big lot and there is a lot of living space. On the other hand, it would make sense to me that we do get the house. For two reasons:

Reason #1 - It feels like our house. It really does. And from the first time I walked in, I had "that feeling" that it was ours.

Reason #2 - This is all working out very much like our move out to California. Yesterday, we got the counteroffer, which we weren't expecting because we put in a back-up offer, not a real offer. I told Shane I was ready to just let it go and be done with it because we really can't offer anymore. He wanted to offer just $5,000 more. This reminds me of when we were still in Arlington and I told him that he we were never going to move to California and he should just take the better position they were dangling in front of him to make him stay. He didn't listen to me. And here we are in California. Smart guy, huh? And smart me for backing off. Lesson definitely learned.

Well, if it doesn't go through, I won't be depressed or anything. I mean, that would be obnoxious seeing how lucky we are in every other respect. I'll be relieved in a way because then we can find a cheaper house that won't make me cringe when I think about a mortgage payment.

Yesterday, I had to go to Target to get some diapers and wipes. I decided to go ahead and get a pregnancy test so I wouldn't have to go back to Target in just a few days. I'll wait. I will resist the urge to take the test prematurely.

And about two hours later, I took the test. Apparently, I have no self control.

It was positive! I was in disbelief because it's never been that easy for us. I had bought a pack of two tests, so I took the other test this morning to confirm. And it confirmed!

With Caleb, I was excited beyond measure. He was the first after all. The unknown! Everything would be new and excited from that point on.

With Ana, I was cautious. Having lost Baby #2, it took a while to shake the fear of losing her. And since it had been so long since we had Caleb, I was excited that we would get to experience everything again, knowing some of it would feel new since so much time had passed.

With this baby. I'm a little scared. I'm a bit surprised that I feel this way. Seems to me that it makes more sense to be scared with the first baby. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to babies. We had the good sense to plan this baby to arrive after Caleb starts kindergarten. But, I still think that having two young children to tend to during the day will overwhelm me. And the thing I am most afraid of happening is that I will become so overwhelmed that I won't be able to enjoy them. Because if you don't like having kids, there's really not much point, is there?

I'm not saying that this fear of mine is at all the most prominent feeling I have about this baby. But it is the most foreign, so I'm understandably interested in it. I am mostly thankful and happy and excited to find out who it will look like. Will it be commanding and loving, like Caleb? Or will it be curious and determined, like Ana? Will it have Shane's toes, as Caleb and Ana do? Will it have my ears, as Caleb and Ana do?

I'm officially one day late. I'm still not sure if I'm really pregnant though. I have been sleeping through the night fine, well except for Ana going through a growth spurt and waking me up for feeding at 1, 4 and 6am for the past three nights. I have been really tired though.

We are going to put in an offer for a house in Pacific Grove. It's perfect for us. Unfortunately, it's already got an accepted offer and the chances of it falling through aren't good since it's still owned by the owner. But, they have until the 6th to back out with their deposit, so we'll just have to wait until then. I'll be waiting a few more days before taking a pregnancy test since last month I was 5 days late. Don't want to waste money on a pregnancy test.

If we find out that we are pregnant and we our offer is accepted, that will just be the best week ever!!

First Post

It's about a week before I'll know for sure if I'm really pregnant. I'm hoping I am. Not only because we are ready for another baby but because I've been so grouchy and moody. It would be great to have an excuse for my terrible behavior. I haven't had trouble sleeping though, as I was with Ana around this time. But, I have been hungry in the morning, which isn't typical.

I don't feel right and so it seems to me that I am pregnant. But, it has never been that easy for us and this is the first month we are actually trying to get pregnant. It took four months with Caleb, six with Baby #2, and six more for Ana. That actually doesn't seem like a very long time now, but at the time, it seemed like an eternity.

If I am pregnant, I'm sure I'll have lots of great stories to tell about my crazy emotional outbursts, like with Caleb. I held it together pretty well with Ana. I don't have any funny stories to tell yet though. I can only tell about the arguments Shane and I have been getting into about finding a house to buy. And about how I've been on the verge of tears a few times in the past few days because "This just isn't fun anymore!" and "You're not listening to me when I say I don't want to live in Carmel Valley!" and "We don't even want the same thing, so we should just give up now!".

And if you knew that we just recently got a realtor and haven't even looked at houses with her, you'd know how ridiculous that last argument is.

Oh man. I really hope I'm pregnant.

Moving

Now that I'm not trying to hide this baby, I'm moving things over to my regular blog

My Name Is Mommy

See you over there!

Nighttime Nausea

For the past week or so, I get slightly nauseous and lose my appetite around 4 or 5 p.m. It's not so bad that I can't actually eat, but it does prevent me from actually enjoying my food. And tonight I was supposed to make spaghetti because yesterday I was craving spaghetti with cottage cheese on the side. But the thought of it makes me want to run to the bathroom, so I can't bring myself to cook it. Thankfully, Shane has no problem eating soup for dinner. If this continues, I might have to start making dinner around 3 p.m. before I lose my appetite. My mom sent some Hawaii-made soda crackers (my favorite!), so I'll probably have some of that tonight for dinner.

I've been sleeping pretty good lately though. That is, when Shane isn't trying to shove his pillow on my side of the bed and snore in my ear! Oh, and when Caleb doesn't wake me up at 1 a.m. to tell me his hand is stinky because he had to scratch his butt (gross!).

First Appointment - A Success!!

We saw the tiny heart beating! It was so wonderful! I didn't cry though because I knew before we got there that the baby was okay. I've been so sleepy and just knew that I was still pregnant. Poor Shane was still very worried though, but I can understand since he can't feel things like I can.

The arm legs and buds aren't visible in this picture. The doctor said that is because this is a side shot. The head is on the bottom and the umbilical cord is shooting off to the left.

Caleb was so cute! As the doctor was getting ready to do her thing, he told her "Don't hurt her, okay? You have to be careful." Oh my gosh! It was the cutest thing ever!

This Kaiser office that I'm going to does things a little different than the one in Manassas. I'll be going to another appointment next Thursday and then will have appointments every month after that. I'm hoping that I'll get more pictures though, hopefully one with a good shot of the arm and leg buds!

A Short Update

My irregular sleep pattern is back! But, I'm actually relieved because that means everything is okay with the baby. I can't wait for the appointment next week so I can stop worrying so much that something bad will happen. I just can't help it. But actually, everyday I am feeling more and more like this one will stick. So, I'm not worrying *that* much. Anyhoo, I can't eat green olives anymore. Now I have a thing for soda, which is definitely out of the ordinary cause I never drink soda. I've been buying the natural fruit flavored soda at Whole Foods. It's actually cheaper than the generic fruit soda at Giant. And Caleb is loving my new craving since we've never given him more than a sip of soda and I now give him half a can everyday. I'm also losing my taste for coffee.

I know, not so exciting, huh? I was a lot more emotional with the other two pregnancies, which made for funny stories. But there's still time for that :)

Got My Mojo Back... for now...

This morning I woke up refreshed. I can't remember the last time this happened. And just yesterday I was telling Shane how I didn't have the motivation to do anything but sit on the couch and space out. Normally, I would be trying to come up with something to do, something to accomplish. He was lucky that I made him a pot of beef stew for lunch. That's pretty much all I had accomplished yesterday. But this morning! I'm awake! I'm motivated! I've already started the laundry, made a list for the grocery store, and put together a bunch of packages that I need to mail out.

I'm going to resist the urge to wonder if something is wrong.

I Couldn't Take It Anymore!

Three times last week I couldn't fall asleep until 1 or 2 a.m., despite being totally exhausted. So, I did a quick search on the Internet and learned that it's pretty common to experience insomnia in the first trimester. Although, many of the articles suggested it was because many woman take long naps during the day and throw their sleep schedule off. But since I'm lucky to get a nap that lasts an hour and a half, that isn't the case with me. I read somewhere else that it has to do with all the hormones in the body and this makes more sense to me. Anyhoo, I got some Unisom (sleeping pills) because many of the woman said they took these and it helped and also I remembered Joanna had to take these for morning sickness. So, I didn't bother to call Kaiser to check if it was okay. Cause it is. I took one of the pills at about 8:30 p.m. last night and fell asleep at around 9:30 p.m. This is a fairly significant event since I can't remember the last time I went to sleep before 10:30 p.m. And besides getting up to go to the bathroom three times and Caleb trying to wake up at 5 a.m., I slept through the night! I fell asleep very quickly after each of these events! The down side is that there were moments where I was tossing and turning and felt very agitated from intense dreams, none of which I can remember. I told Shane this and he said I was actually talking in my sleep, which I never do. And this is always a scary thing because when you talk in your sleep you can't ensure discretion. But all I said apparently was, "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" Maybe I was having a nightmare? I probably won't be using these every night. But I'm glad I have them to fall back onto if things start getting bad again.

Can't Blame the Baby for This

So, at 6 weeks, I've officially grown out of all of my jeans. I can't blame the baby for this though, because I had grown out of all but one before I even got pregnant. And since the baby is only the size of a pea (I think anyway), I can't really blame it for me having grown out of the jeans that when I was shopping for, I asked Shane, "Are you sure these aren't too baggy?" To which he said, "Are you nuts? No." So, maybe it has more to do with me having worn tight jeans for the past decade or so. The good news is that a few months ago, I decided that I wanted to wear nothing but yoga pants and stocked up on some. I can still fit in those. And today for the first time, I wore one of my maternity jeans. Did I mention that I'm only 6 weeks along? I haven't confirmed this, but my little pooch of a stomach seems to me to be very similar to the 3 month pooch I had with Caleb. This actually doesn't bother me though. A few months ago, I became resigned to the fact that I won't be a size 4 forever. I'm 31 now and I think my body just feels like it needs some extra padding. Fine with me. Plus, I'm really excited about having a big belly. I really like being pregnant, so getting fat doesn't scare me. I like having a big round belly and filling out my itty bitty bras because it's really the only time in my life that I feel very womanly.

Appointment

Our first appointment will be in three weeks and one day, on November 6. I hope the time goes by quickly.

I'm still having issues with sleep. I'm so tired during the day because I can't sleep through the night. This is mostly frustrating because I do not do well with lack of sleep. I'm grouchy and impatient and argumentative. And that does not mesh well with a three year old boy in the prime of his rambunctiousness. This is really testing my ability to control my emotions. Deep breaths...deep breaths...in...out...in...out...

Food! Glorious Food!

One thing I really like about being pregnant is that I really enjoy the taste of food. This is not to say I don't normally. I just don't enjoy it so much that I allow taste to govern the food I eat. This is a good thing, of course because I can generally choose the foods I eat based more on how healthy they are, rather than how good they taste. But when I'm pregnant, there are certain foods that taste so heavenly, the nutritional value is of no consequence as to whether I will consume them. When I was pregnant with Caleb, I remember eating an entire Chipotle burrito and thinking it was by far the best thing I'd ever eaten in my whole life.

Today, Caleb and I went to Whole Foods and it was so wonderful to have a very good excuse to buy whatever I wanted. I bought my $3 avocado and also some olives from the olive bar. I've only bought olives from the olive bar two or three other times, because it's pretty expensive. I really like the plain black olives. I usually throw in a few of some other variety, just for fun. This time I got some feta-stuffed green olives. Oh. My. Gosh! It was just like the Chipotle burrito!! I quickly ate the four that I bought and went back and got a container full more. This is mostly strange because up to now, I've never been a big fan of green olives. They're much too tangy for me. I have never been able to eat more than two at a time. But for now, I'm so in love!

The Worst Sleep Ever

Last night Caleb woke me up at 1:30 a.m. because he needed to use the bathroom.  (We're still working on getting him out of diapers at night.)  After laying in bed, struggling to keep my eyes closed for an hour, I gave up and did as I had a few nights before when the same thing happened: I made a pot of tea and knitted.  I did manage to get sleepy enough to go back to sleep around 5:00 a.m., just in time to get an extra two hours of sleep.  It's really not so bad though, since I have the chance to nap during the day.  This is such a different pregnancy so far.  The only symptom I have is that I can't sleep well at night.  I'm really hoping for more symptoms soon, because the more pregnant I feel, the less I will worry about something going wrong.  Although... maybe I shouldn't say that, because I'd be cursing myself if I got nauseous and all vomity. 

I Can't Believe It!

Shane and I were both convinced that once again, it just hadn't happened. I have had no symptoms. In hindsight, I've been a bit more tired, but not so much that it seems out of the ordinary. In fact, all last week, I had the worst sleep of my life. One night, I got up at 3 a.m. to use the bathroom and could not go back to sleep. So, I made a pot of tea and knit. It was actually really nice to have all that quiet alone time. 

Anyhoo, as of today, I'm three days late. We were going to wait until I was 6 days late because I've been 5 days late before. But I just couldn't wait. I'm so happy and relieved! I couldn't help but cry when I told Shane and I know I will be crying when I see the baby's heart beat, since I didn't get to experience that with the last baby. I am a little concerned that I don't really have any symptoms, but I'm *so* grateful that I am not working right now and have the opportunity to concentrate on taking care of myself. With the last one, I was so busy that I sometimes forgot that I was pregnant. I'm also very happy about the timing. I should have been giving birth next month. It would have been very sad to go through that time not even being pregnant, knowing that I should be having a baby. 

I'm going to take monthly pictures starting at 8 weeks, after our first appointment. There really isn't much to do at this point except take my prenatal vitamins. I already have the greatest maternity wardrobe. I think it's better than my regular clothes :) And oh boy! I get to eat what I want! I have an excuse to buy a $3 avocado if I want it! It'll be interesting to see where we are living when the baby arrives. Our lease is up at the end of January. Here's hoping we'll be in Cali!!!